Signals

I don’t have a lot of patience. Sometimes people think that is a bad thing but it really isn’t, I think it is actually one of my biggest strengths. Being shown a yellow light in traffic can be dealt with in two ways. Either it can lead to you stopping early or it can lead to you not stopping at all and just taking it as a last-minute opening. I would usually choose the latter, most people say they would, but don’t. Why? Earlier I thought it was because they are scared of taking that risk, yet then why would they admit to actually having the ability to take it? Is the human mind so simple that all we need is to show others we are better than we actually are? Are we so bothered about how others see us that we cannot be true to ourselves?

It’s quite disturbing but possibly my lack of patience is what will make up for everyone else’s lack of truthfulness. If someone tells me that I need to wait till later to do something I know I could very well do it right now. It drives me crazy. You think it’s problem, I think it’s the solution to always have myself working in every possible situation without any misunderstandings or disappointments. It might also be why I can never sleep at night if I haven’t done enough for the day. Anytime I begin to feel as if the day has not been used well enough I automatically lose every drop of tired and sleepy emotions that exist in my head. It isn’t that I do it consciously, It would just be impossible for me to see that my day has been a stop sign, that I didn’t stop waiting at.

Possibly I have actually shown this to be much better than it actually is since the lack of patience creates output, but it takes something away as well. It takes away time, a time when I would be calm. Doesn’t really exist anymore. Since I am always pushing for the light to turn green, sometimes a red light puts me in a position where I start going the other way. Backwards, instead of forwards. Entirely against everything that I have been trying to push and accomplish. Even though they may be small steps back, they are still not steps forward. Anything that takes me backwards will just assimilate me back into the line everyone must stand on. The line is the starting point for all of us. You don’t know what it is, neither do I yet we realise when we have crossed it. Forwards and backwards.

All this movement and all these signals. Yet nothing seems to directly stop me from moving forward. Except for my own reaction to these signals. Yet what if I took control of these lights. What if I could make all of them turn bright green instantly, so nothing can ever stop me. Yet what would be fun in a path where nothing tries to slow us down?