Will I miss this?

I always thought to myself that there would be things that I would not miss—things that I would not really think about if they stopped happening. Thinking to myself, “Oh, I hate this; why would I miss it?”. Yet, as I get closer to the end, as I begin to realize that I will not be able to experience all of these things anymore, a part of me wants to hold on to them. For years, I have been dreaming of letting all of this go, yet now that the opportunity stands in front of me, my brain does not want to agree with itself. Is it the fact that it became a habit for me? I had been doing this for essentially my entire life. The same place, the same bus, and basically the same people too.

Until about 5 seconds before I wrote that paragraph, I was completely alright with these changes occurring. Why would I have a problem with new experiences? I have been getting bored of my day-to-day for a while now. I had been waiting for this change for years, yet now it appears to me that I judged my present too harshly. I was in a constant search for what the future may be and what I could become. I looked at what I was with less regard. Possibly, that made me work harder, but it also made me a little insensitive.

There is nothing that I can change about this now. There is nothing that will pause this process from moving forward. So I can just let it happen, right? Yes, but I can change the way I make it happen from now on. I think it is probably too late for that now. What would probably be better than that would be if I changed my mind. Start thinking back the way that I did, not taking these pauses that make me examine my thoughts. If I take this too seriously, it’ll cause me more problems. So, I’ll just shrug it off. What value does something have if we cannot even miss it?