fake confidence

I have always been a firm believer in the fact that having confidence in life is like getting half the job done already. Simply having that belief in yourself that you can do it makes the task so much easier. Sometimes people think it is arrogance or some kind of bragging if we say something before actually doing it. I just think that this confidence is what sets us apart from our competitors. If I say that I can climb the mountain before everyone else and then try to do it, the simple belief that I had in myself when I took the first step up will give me a greater boost than the best trekking equipment could.

Yet what if it isn’t there? What if, exactly, when I need this confidence, it seems to be nowhere to be found? Or the confidence is there somewhere, and I am just unable to back it up with my actions. What do I do when there is this gap? How can I then change my life if my life fears change? How can I then accelerate with one foot already pressing the brakes? There would be no point in jumping in the lake half-heartedly, not knowing whether I could swim out of it myself. This confidence only comes from the inside; there is no way that someone else can pump you up or lift you up. Those words end up fading away within a matter of seconds as soon as you start to think of yourself with your own mind.

So should I only try when I believe in myself one hundred percent? That would not be optimal, would it? I would not be trying at every opportunity. I would need every single opportunity to reach my greatest potential, right? Or was it simply all just hit and trial, that all I had to do was try even if I didn’t do it to the best of my abilities? Here, I become trapped in my own perception of how well I could possibly do; whether it is above reality or below, I am sure that it is far from it. Possibly that is the best thing about it—that I am far from reality.

The next time I get my delusional confidence, I’ll hold on to it. Not because it will make sure that I take every opportunity, but to take a break from the trap of reality and my own perception of it. Yet until that time, all I can do is fake it.