Bug fixes

What does it mean when time feels like it is outside your control now? What does it mean when everything that we try to do seems to be less than what it used to be? A few weeks ago, I thought doing this much was able to get me far enough ahead of the finish line, while now all this work seems like I am much closer to the start than the end of a race. Possibly it is because the same work does not hold the same value as we get more, or that when we get more work, the work we are actually able to do gets smaller. In all this shifting of perspective and mindset, I often forget to look at the absolute truth.

That absolute truth that I think of exactly five minutes before I go to sleep every night. That absolute truth that I would like to tell myself every morning, yet in between the day and night, when I actually end up with my brain, I can never actually mention this truth. Because even though it is true, it is not what I had planned for. It has become the world that I live in without my permission. I can make that excuse and think to myself that I was not the problem, yet that again would not at all be true.

This is because the truth is that I am always capable, always ready, always disciplined, and to the point where I am not. When it comes to the point where I am not, then it becomes quite difficult to turn it around. To put myself in a place where I can again be everything that I need myself to be. Yet I remember very recently, a mentor of mine told me as I faced a failure that "a dead man cannot die.” And now that I had lost once, I had nothing to lose by trying again. Yet the problem rose, as I had to make the effort to try. Which is always there to be used and developed, but slowly it goes away.

At the time when it goes away, every one tells me to let it go away and refresh my mind. Yet we all know that most times, refreshing a site will not solve the problem. Sometimes we have to restart the browser or the laptop. Or sometimes we have to realize that the actual problem was that we never checked all of the boxes to make it work in the first place.