Leap

Most days, I am surprised when someone unknown says something to me. Not negatively; it may just be that I find it difficult to build up the confidence to approach someone that I don’t know at all. On the other hand, there are times when I just cannot care less about what anyone thinks and just say absolutely anything. I wonder if that same thing goes through the mind of another person trying to approach me. I wonder if the same split-second decision as the fight between fear and confidence happens in their minds. I think to myself, If it’s a nice thing, then why do I hesitate? Possibly it is simply the fact that I could just go unheard and ignored. Which wouldn’t change anything but eat a little piece of you that you didn’t know was there.

So I started playing a small game with myself. I would challenge myself to say a random thing to someone I did not know, just to see what happened. What I realised was that as soon as you begin to almost talk to someone, they talk to you. Then, all of a sudden, you are caught by surprise. You had planned to say something, but now you must give a reply. That’s where it gets stuck. That’s where you become the third person, the one who might need to leave someone unheard and ignored. You don’t want to, but it almost just happens. It’s like the fear is even greater because the ball is in your court, but you are not the one serving. Exactly then, every person around you becomes like a chore, and you must answer each question correctly.

It's almost like a test of life in what people say is the enjoyable part. About the friends we would make along the way. How could it be? If it was all a test just like every other part. Possibly I look at it too cynically, but that is why I try to understand if the same process goes through the mind of another. Perhaps the test that I see is enjoyment for another. The same way the tests others see can be enjoyable for me, If it was really that simple, then why would everyone end up giving the same tests? Why should everyone jump off the same cliff? Why should everyone dive straight into the same pool? Why should everyone run through the same field? Maybe because, without it, we would never know how far each of us can actually go.

So I thought that I must forget about this simple test mindset that I have created for myself. This isn’t what it was meant to be. I could still make these connections enjoyable. All I would need to do is make that leap of faith. Bringing me right back to square one, where part of me doesn’t care if I fall down and the other wouldn’t mind just not jumping Yet what would be the fun if I did not fall down once in a while? It is simply another way to make a strong climb back up.