Dark

The nights have gotten darker than usual. My eyes are surprised by the day. All the things that I can see are just overloading my brain. All the noises around me continue to ring in my ears as if something is blowing up inside of them. I want to break out of this noise, but I cannot. The only time I can feel calm is when there is darkness. My eyes finally can rest open, my ears can easily ignore the silences of the night. I wish I could stay there forever. With nothing that causes my brain to react.

Everyone is continuously talking, leaving me with minimal moments of silence. I hate it when people take my silence away. My silence is all I have between reality and my imagination. If it goes away, my brain will wander into an abyss. It might sound like fun, but it isn’t. I have been losing sleep just to give myself a few moments of silence. Trying to let go of all things that burden me. Yet one thing I cannot let go of is the thought of you. It is not a burden, but usually just a part of my imagination.

Time has slowed down a lot lately, and to my surprise, it has not bothered me a lot. It has not been raining as much as it was the last few weeks. I miss the time when it rained. The shadows of the clouds left my brain in a protected place where the sounds of the droplets blocked everything else out. The heat preys on me. It is almost as if I am in a fight against something above constantly. With each drop of sweat, they win another point. Yet each time I refuse to get tired I win.

Each night when the sun sets and it gets darker, time slows down ever so slightly. Possibly because I am not in a rush anymore. Possibly because my eyes don’t feel under attack anymore. Possibly because my imagination can is not bounded anymore. Letting me get back to the thought of you. I used to question why people wanted the lights off and stayed up till later in the night. That is when I realised it was not because of the likeness of the night but of the hatred of the day. I don’t always hate the day, mostly what comes with it.

The noise, the light, and the overloading of my senses. Sometimes these things bring anger me. I am lying. They always bring anger me. Yet that is what helps me deal with them. The anger is what reduces my fear. There was nothing that I would do to feel fearless.